thank u !

thank u! for coming here,spending time, crossing space(from wherever u r!)
for ur intrest, ur curiousity,your connection to me, my connection to u!

ENTWINED, THE ENTIRE NIGHT, MAYBE LONGER

This is my first letter to you, even though I'm not sure if I love you. Or if you love me. But if I had to guess, I'd say we do.I want to tell you about our first night together. Yes, of course you were there. I'm sure you remember it. But I want to share with you the part that you weren't privy to. The part I found satisfying and symbolic.For every hour we spent in your bed, you held me. Somehow we were entwined, the entire night. Not for one moment did you let me go, out of your grasp, beyond your touch. It was as though the other side of the bed would have been a world away.I slept with my head resting against your chest. Like I had run a race and stopped to lie on the ground, with my face cradled by the softest, sunwarmed grass. The earth underneath, your heart below, beating with life.Each time I moved away, your hand reached out to bring me back. When a person is asleep can he know his arms are empty? How can a man far in one place summon love from another?
I had forgotten how delicious that could be, to be joined not by words or thoughts but by flesh: soft, warm, heavy. When a sigh is a sentence and a caress a paragraph.
So in return I offer you what comes out of my fingertips - my words.
They, and I, are yours!
( taken from a book of letters....vennessa roy)

life.....

I ’M nobody! Who are you?

Are you nobody, too?

Then there ’s a pair of us—don’t tell!

They ’d banish us, you know.


How dreary to be somebody!
5
How public, like a frog

To tell your name the livelong day

To an admiring bog!

i read this book and loved it!!!!!!

i live on...

as i live on determined!!!!... i realise... how easy it really is......

a contract!

I GAVE myself to him,

And took himself for pay.

The solemn contract of a life

Was ratified this way.


The wealth might disappoint,

Myself a poorer prove

Than this great purchaser suspect,

The daily own of Love


Depreciate the vision;

But, till the merchant buy,

Still fable, in the isles of spice,

The subtle cargoes lie.


At least, ’t is mutual risk,—

Some found it mutual gain;

Sweet debt of Life,—each night to owe,

Insolvent, every noon.

again..

was there again.....oh! my!

Come love, keep your hand on my handAnd your lips on my lipsLet the clouds that lean against the skyCome down in torrents
Down the dust-laden pathsLet incessant rain bathe the treesAnd drown the voices of the birdsIn the mirror of a forlorn river in some dense forestLet your face be anglow, drenched in sweat

hmmm!

When did the dove teach you
With its sad forlorn voice
Your laughter is the wind on the advent of monsoon
In your sprightliness lies the ripples of the river
Where blooms the water hyacinthThe soft, delicate fingers and the wrist like lotus stem
The baton of the loom quakesAnd the weaver’s shuttle move ceaselesslySoft, delicate fingers and the wrist like lotus stem
The baton of the loom quakesAnd the weaver’s shuttle move ceaselesslySoft, supple breast, pinkish lipsTeeth like pomegranate seedsMy world without you is a desert friendAnd you’re the source of my poetry

i can only know that much of myself which i have the courage to confide to u!!!

more silence!

ya!!!!
...2 souls..under the stars...
touching but not touching......on the green dew filled grass.....
feeling ......feeling..... unexplainable...emotions...
the ecstacy.....innocence....the fire..... the strength......
wat should one do to keep the fire burning?

Y???

WHY look at me with those astounding eyes....
when u know that life has worn me
more than U????

RU-BA-RU

rahat tab hogi jab
ru-ba-ru milenge,
yeh bhi koi milna hai??????

a reaction!!!!

Very few people are fearless!To attain that coveted state of fearlessness, we have to go a long long way!
I believe that each one has to find our own path, the path to blissfulness and fearlessness..
The first time I went to a Charismatic prayer meeting celebration , I felt like an alien!
I couldn’t celebrate, I couldn’t thank, I was angry , alone, and fearful of the people around me……
To open my mouth and say Alleluia, required courage and a deep sense of self-worth and self confidence……..
Its not about GOD, but the very fact that nothing really matters!
Its just you with yourself!
To be able to go into a trance, feel beautiful, and proud inside manifests itself in many ways. One of them is just trying out different experiences…
Somewhere, when we resist change we come out with various justifications, explanations and labels for ourselves.! Including, `ATHEIST`
I strongly believe that an atheist is a very poor individual who has never had any extraordinary experiences or non scientific experiences; an atheist has to be empirical in everything and everyone, including himself!
I feel everyday is a blessing… all the experiences that we are blessed with cannot be reasoned, some things that happen cannot be explained.
A supreme power, thats so merciful connects us with certain individuals and our whole life changes……
How can u explain that?
The idea of a supreme being also helps human beings( who are so insignificant, without connections) to remain true to their pure selves!!!!……

kamala das.....

The Looking Glass

Getting a man to love you is easy
Only be honest about your wants as
Woman.
Stand nude before the glass with him
So that he sees himself the stronger one
And believes it so, and you so much more
Softer, younger, lovelier.
Admit your
Admiration. Notice the perfection
Of his limbs, his eyes reddening under
The shower, the shy walk across the bathroom floor,
Dropping towels, and the jerky way he
Urinates.
All the fond details that make
Him male and your only man. Gift him all,
Gift him what makes you woman, the scent of
Long hair, the musk of sweat between the breasts,
The warm shock of menstrual blood, and all your
Endless female hungers.
Oh yes, getting
A man to love is easy, but living
Without him afterwards may have to be
Faced. A living without life when you move
Around, meeting strangers, with your eyes that
Gave up their search, with ears that hear only
His last voice calling out your name and your
Body which once under his touch had gleamed
Like burnished brass, now drab and destitute.


-- Kamala Das

i will think of u when i my eyes become clear of teardrops....

hey!!!!being in bliss is fine.......yes! its a state of mind......but its also a feeling........sometimes i feel so alone.....so closed....so silly....... like a little ball of nothing...... just the opposite of what i usually feel......after a great high....comes a great low......!!!!!!


thats when i see the futility of it all....the sheer futility of doing anything....even living......


i truly believe that we are here for a reason....theres some high drama.....we fit somehow in the BIG PICTURE......!! then why this unexplainable feeling of dread?

those eyes.....

ive been told my eyes are expressive...
but his....are exceptional.!!!!!..
ive seen it twinkle...when he teases me mercilessly..
ive seen kindness and understanding....when he talks to kids and elders....
firey anger.....when work doesnt get done....
pleasure....whe he eats something delicious....
intoxication..... when he drinks a drink too many...
pain..... when....he listens to peoples terrible experiences....
last time we met ...i saw tears....in those lovely, liquid eyes....
of frustration, of oppurtunities lost....
that one drop..one drop.... one..tear drop.....represented an ocean inside......
lord! i want to know about that ocean....

ghazal

socha nahi ,accha bura...
dekha suna, kuch bhi nahi.......
manga khuda se raat, dhin,
tere seewa... kuch bhi nahi...

jis, par hamari aankh, ne moti bechayi raat bhar...
baeja wahi kaagaz uuse
humne likha kuch bhi nahi...

ek shaam ke dehlez per baithe rahe
woh daaer ak
aankhon se ki baatein bahut
muh se kaha
kuch bhi nahi....

HIS..... STORY...

I met S, ten years ago.... when, both of us, had just started out ,as professionals, in the field of education....both of us were flowing with enthusiasm ...we needed to change the education system... do this... do that.... do everything.......


S is a great looking guy.. light, liquid eyes.... strong features....articulate......we fought , argued.., expressed our feelings......


S and me took a liking for each other...it was instant.....a direct connection...


we met every other week in the begining......we discussed work.....how to change attitudes... students,..parents..their attitude......


one day S told me he was getting married... arranged... by his parents....


i was happy for him.... asked him .... what he was feeling..... S was silent...then he said ..`i dont know`.....hmmmm .......that was MY reaction...!


when i met S after his marraige, he was glowing...said was very happy with his life.... wife ...teacher...( that was his only condition... wife should be in the field of education.)


wow! i thought...God! i thought.... LET IT LAST ......


S got transfered to a godforsaken place..but was in contact.....letters.....telephone...


i met S at a seminar....... he was in bliss..... he had a daughter.........


everything ok....lifes been good.......i was in bliss ... listening to him....


met him again after 2 years...... blessed with a son... in joy......wow! life couldnt get better..


exactly after......one year.. ..i got a call.....sad...hardly sounded like S...


ya... its me...S? what? ya.... u can talk to me.....


son diagnosed with autisim.....daughter diagnosed with astigmatism......is there a God?


spoke for a long time.....


S`s wife suffers from a genetic mental retardation...which the family has/HAD kept secret and which S too had kept secret, when he found out just after they got married....a person with the kind of retardation that she has, cannot connect emotionally with anybody not even with own kids.....the person is very laid back... passive......non assertive...interested in only sly survival.....


now what?


S was lost........but he loved his wife he said........coz nobody could...and nobody had ever tired to understand her...


met S after another year.....he looked like.....wow! slim and new hair cut and wow!


what happened?.... i was amazed at the transformation.....


S told me he had met someone....at last .....whom he wanted to spend his life with.....


wow! ok... now what?


im geting a divorce he said.....


what about yr wife I said `u love her? dont u?`...ya.... divorce yes..will not leave M(his wife)


how ......can it be possible? i had my doubts........yes its possible....coz he andT( his love) have discussed it at length and theres no way they r going to leave M with 2 kids to fend for herself......


Wow! can it be true.....can there be such unconditional love....can u take on society...yr colleagues.... yr kids...?yr parents?


yes he said`i love M shes innocent...shes a human being....nobody wants her..she needs me......`


`salutes to u `i said...


S called me yesterday told me he has a new baby boy.....


i went to meet his family.....


S, M, T, 3 kids.....each......differrently challenged........


i loved them all...am dazed.........speechless!

unconditional love.....

last sunday we spoke about unconditional love.....
is it possible? how many have experienced it?


to be continued with real discussions.........

my song

The town lit up the world got still

Im learning to fly but I aint got wings
Comin down is the hardest thing

Well the good old days may not return
And the rocks might melt, and the sea may burn

Im learning to fly but I aint got wings
Comin down is the hardest thing

Well some say life will beat you down
Break your heart, steal your crown
So I started out for God knows where
But I guess Ill know when I get there

Im learning to fly around the clouds
But what goes up must come down

Im learning to fly but I aint got wings
Comin down is the hardest thing
Im learning to fly around the clouds
But what goes up must come down

Im learning to fly
Im learning to fly

silence......

Sometimes silence conveys emotions that words fail to ...


Silence can be a sign of consent.

Silence conveys anger.

Silence demonstrates strength.

Silence demonstrates patience.

Silence conveys determination.

Silence can mean respect.



Silence does not mean inaction



Silence may indicate forgiveness.



Silence represents tolerance.



Silence can mean confidence.


Silence is not necessarily a sign of guilt or weakness, it is in many cases lot more thought provoking and convincing than words …

a flower

A little seed breaks into roots and shoots,
the root breaks,..
into thousands more....
the shoot into stem, branches and thousands more....
nestled in the bed, of new soft, velvety leaves,
the bud,
the little bud,
waits,
pregnant,
with colour, life, beauty.....
to break into a flower.... and to never break again...!!!!!
a flower......
my heart is a flower...!!!!!!!!!!

a woman i met

Met this woman, beautiful, strong, very prose, with a will to do good,

was amazed,curious and wanted to know more,

she told me she was in bliss.,

went to her home for a drinks- dinner thingie.....

was amazed all over again,

at her ability to laugh at her self,

to be blunt, to yell, to dance, and to entertain....

Curiosity,

pulled me to her again....

what, how,where did she get her strength from?

she went on and answered all relentless,merciless ,continous,questions...

until she broke

barriers....

that she had conveniently built,

around herself and others,

the trauma,

of being voilated as a child,

of having no one to talk to,

forced forgetting does it work?!

tears that followed were tears of blood..

the kind that only the gutsy can shed!!

So many times......ive thought......

1. understanding
2. curiosity
3. empathy
4. attraction
5. lust
6. sympathy
7. connection
8. anger
9. possesssiveness
10. intelligence

...................as love! now i know better i name every feeling, when i know what im feeling im strong...i know why im doing things......why im feeling and what im feeling....i ve realised the importance of listening to myself....to be absolutely silent within myself....i know now its possible....to be in bliss i dont need any body just me with myself.....

my only problem is when pple tell me abt their feelings and then they expect me to understand!when they really dont know what the bloody hell they r feeling....

hmmm!! my first blog...!!! today i feel the need 2 communicate with myself......the need was so grt tht i came out of my home....to feel the sunshine and the wind in my hair......wow!!! feels grt! the freedom...... to be able to be you.... to do what u want and go where yr heart takes u....wandering aimlessly ...... im happy today... to be alive.... to be able to feel so deeply....so love so completely......and be at peace with my self......!!!