insecurities,

There are many ways in which insecurities manifest themselves.
one of them is fear..
mostly I'm not a fearful person...
im not afraid to be alone..
actually I love being with my self.
I know, I can live without human contact,
without speaking or any entertainment for days together
I can just BE.
And I know that it is a big thing.
but still the fear of being accepted doesn't go away.
some deep rooted insecuritites may be the reason.
being abandoned at an early age, maybe one of the reasons.
and being called ugly repeatedly....maybe another reason.
its true that what you have been called as a youngster stays with you.
you begin to feel that if more than 5 people call u a certain name, then u must be that..how can so many people be wrong???
but even though i know many things theoretically, I'm fearful that many things in theory look very good but in reality poses many problems.
I guess , I'm not good with people. I don`t seem to have any lasting relationships..
every time I feel I'm getting close to someone I run away.
its the fear of being hurt...i realize...but I cant help it...
I request all the people whom I know in actual life and virtual life to forgive me.....Its my way of protecting myself. I don`t know any other way.