Y???

WHY look at me with those astounding eyes....
when u know that life has worn me
more than U????

RU-BA-RU

rahat tab hogi jab
ru-ba-ru milenge,
yeh bhi koi milna hai??????

a reaction!!!!

Very few people are fearless!To attain that coveted state of fearlessness, we have to go a long long way!
I believe that each one has to find our own path, the path to blissfulness and fearlessness..
The first time I went to a Charismatic prayer meeting celebration , I felt like an alien!
I couldn’t celebrate, I couldn’t thank, I was angry , alone, and fearful of the people around me……
To open my mouth and say Alleluia, required courage and a deep sense of self-worth and self confidence……..
Its not about GOD, but the very fact that nothing really matters!
Its just you with yourself!
To be able to go into a trance, feel beautiful, and proud inside manifests itself in many ways. One of them is just trying out different experiences…
Somewhere, when we resist change we come out with various justifications, explanations and labels for ourselves.! Including, `ATHEIST`
I strongly believe that an atheist is a very poor individual who has never had any extraordinary experiences or non scientific experiences; an atheist has to be empirical in everything and everyone, including himself!
I feel everyday is a blessing… all the experiences that we are blessed with cannot be reasoned, some things that happen cannot be explained.
A supreme power, thats so merciful connects us with certain individuals and our whole life changes……
How can u explain that?
The idea of a supreme being also helps human beings( who are so insignificant, without connections) to remain true to their pure selves!!!!……

kamala das.....

The Looking Glass

Getting a man to love you is easy
Only be honest about your wants as
Woman.
Stand nude before the glass with him
So that he sees himself the stronger one
And believes it so, and you so much more
Softer, younger, lovelier.
Admit your
Admiration. Notice the perfection
Of his limbs, his eyes reddening under
The shower, the shy walk across the bathroom floor,
Dropping towels, and the jerky way he
Urinates.
All the fond details that make
Him male and your only man. Gift him all,
Gift him what makes you woman, the scent of
Long hair, the musk of sweat between the breasts,
The warm shock of menstrual blood, and all your
Endless female hungers.
Oh yes, getting
A man to love is easy, but living
Without him afterwards may have to be
Faced. A living without life when you move
Around, meeting strangers, with your eyes that
Gave up their search, with ears that hear only
His last voice calling out your name and your
Body which once under his touch had gleamed
Like burnished brass, now drab and destitute.


-- Kamala Das

i will think of u when i my eyes become clear of teardrops....

hey!!!!being in bliss is fine.......yes! its a state of mind......but its also a feeling........sometimes i feel so alone.....so closed....so silly....... like a little ball of nothing...... just the opposite of what i usually feel......after a great high....comes a great low......!!!!!!


thats when i see the futility of it all....the sheer futility of doing anything....even living......


i truly believe that we are here for a reason....theres some high drama.....we fit somehow in the BIG PICTURE......!! then why this unexplainable feeling of dread?

those eyes.....

ive been told my eyes are expressive...
but his....are exceptional.!!!!!..
ive seen it twinkle...when he teases me mercilessly..
ive seen kindness and understanding....when he talks to kids and elders....
firey anger.....when work doesnt get done....
pleasure....whe he eats something delicious....
intoxication..... when he drinks a drink too many...
pain..... when....he listens to peoples terrible experiences....
last time we met ...i saw tears....in those lovely, liquid eyes....
of frustration, of oppurtunities lost....
that one drop..one drop.... one..tear drop.....represented an ocean inside......
lord! i want to know about that ocean....

ghazal

socha nahi ,accha bura...
dekha suna, kuch bhi nahi.......
manga khuda se raat, dhin,
tere seewa... kuch bhi nahi...

jis, par hamari aankh, ne moti bechayi raat bhar...
baeja wahi kaagaz uuse
humne likha kuch bhi nahi...

ek shaam ke dehlez per baithe rahe
woh daaer ak
aankhon se ki baatein bahut
muh se kaha
kuch bhi nahi....

HIS..... STORY...

I met S, ten years ago.... when, both of us, had just started out ,as professionals, in the field of education....both of us were flowing with enthusiasm ...we needed to change the education system... do this... do that.... do everything.......


S is a great looking guy.. light, liquid eyes.... strong features....articulate......we fought , argued.., expressed our feelings......


S and me took a liking for each other...it was instant.....a direct connection...


we met every other week in the begining......we discussed work.....how to change attitudes... students,..parents..their attitude......


one day S told me he was getting married... arranged... by his parents....


i was happy for him.... asked him .... what he was feeling..... S was silent...then he said ..`i dont know`.....hmmmm .......that was MY reaction...!


when i met S after his marraige, he was glowing...said was very happy with his life.... wife ...teacher...( that was his only condition... wife should be in the field of education.)


wow! i thought...God! i thought.... LET IT LAST ......


S got transfered to a godforsaken place..but was in contact.....letters.....telephone...


i met S at a seminar....... he was in bliss..... he had a daughter.........


everything ok....lifes been good.......i was in bliss ... listening to him....


met him again after 2 years...... blessed with a son... in joy......wow! life couldnt get better..


exactly after......one year.. ..i got a call.....sad...hardly sounded like S...


ya... its me...S? what? ya.... u can talk to me.....


son diagnosed with autisim.....daughter diagnosed with astigmatism......is there a God?


spoke for a long time.....


S`s wife suffers from a genetic mental retardation...which the family has/HAD kept secret and which S too had kept secret, when he found out just after they got married....a person with the kind of retardation that she has, cannot connect emotionally with anybody not even with own kids.....the person is very laid back... passive......non assertive...interested in only sly survival.....


now what?


S was lost........but he loved his wife he said........coz nobody could...and nobody had ever tired to understand her...


met S after another year.....he looked like.....wow! slim and new hair cut and wow!


what happened?.... i was amazed at the transformation.....


S told me he had met someone....at last .....whom he wanted to spend his life with.....


wow! ok... now what?


im geting a divorce he said.....


what about yr wife I said `u love her? dont u?`...ya.... divorce yes..will not leave M(his wife)


how ......can it be possible? i had my doubts........yes its possible....coz he andT( his love) have discussed it at length and theres no way they r going to leave M with 2 kids to fend for herself......


Wow! can it be true.....can there be such unconditional love....can u take on society...yr colleagues.... yr kids...?yr parents?


yes he said`i love M shes innocent...shes a human being....nobody wants her..she needs me......`


`salutes to u `i said...


S called me yesterday told me he has a new baby boy.....


i went to meet his family.....


S, M, T, 3 kids.....each......differrently challenged........


i loved them all...am dazed.........speechless!