my dream is mine alone.....cannot be shared......

From the time I started to work at the orphange in 2006, Ive been consumed by the need to do something for kids.

Hence I worked with them, as a friend, as a playmate, as a counsellor, as a story teller.

I loved to sleep with them under the stars.I shiver when I think of those days, surrounded by kids on a wonderful moonlit night..watching the stars.

When the project began, we were a team of 4 individuals. Now, Im the only one left in India.....

The project is over. I still meet the kids.. but not so regularly..the kids have grown.....

Today I got a call, one of the kids, wanted me to come over during Diwali holidays..of course I will go....I was already planning .....

I LOVE YOU ALL LITTLE FRIENDS.....IM COMING.....

The promised story....

Once the Buddha was walking from one town to another with a few of his disciples. While they were traveling, they happened to pass a lake.
They stopped there and the Buddha told one of his disciples, "I am thirsty. Do get me some water from that lake."
The young disciple walked up to the lake. When he reached it, he noticed that right at that moment, a bullock cart had started crossing the lake. As a result, the water had become very muddy, very turbid.
The disciple thought, "How can I give this muddy water to the Buddha to drink!?"
So he went back and told the Buddha, "The water in there is very muddy. I don't think it is fit to drink!"
After about half an hour, the Buddha again asked the same disciple to go back to the lake and get him some water to drink. The disciple obediently went back to the lake.
This time too he found that the lake was muddy. He returned and informed the Buddha about the same. Once again, a few minutes later the Buddha asked the same disciple to go back to the lake.
The disciple reached the shore only to find that the lake absolutely clean with crystal clear water in it. The mud had settled down and the water above it looked pure enough to drink. So he collected some water in a pot and brought it to the Buddha.
Buddha looked at the water, and then he looked up at the disciple and said,"See what you did to make the water clean. You just let it be and the mud settled down on its own, and you got clear water!"
And then he addressed his disciples:" Your mind is just like that lake ! When it is disturbed, it gets all muddy and confused. So just let it be. Give it a little time. It will settle down on its own. You don't have to put in any effort to calm it down. It will happen. It is effortless.

whoa!!!!!!!!!!!

Sharing space with a great human being....My most favourite president of India. A.P.J. ABDUL KALAM.
Humble, Secular, India`s Missile man. Rocket scientist studied in MIT,and later worked with NASA.
wow!..I don't know where to start....
The programme started exactly at 10.45.am. we all were already there in the Shamiana
at 10.am.
There were thousands of policeman and high alert. I felt privileged to walk into the invitees seat with my Principal.The presentation that I had prepared was now reduced to only 5 slides as part of presentation about the journey of our campus this last 25 years.
I did not mind... I was in the privileged seat. There are 26, 000 students on campus and there were only 350 people invited for the programme. All others were seeing the programme on the CCTV put up at various places on the campus.
The first question that former president asked the students was, How many of you want to be employment seekers? and how many of you want to be employment providers?The ex-president spoke about the importance of entrepreneurship, the importance of thinking big and the need to be leaders and not just followers.What a wonderful speech! What interaction with audience!Everyone loved him. I loved him .

im free...

I'm free in my mind..... my mind was cluttered......( Osho told me a story, He helped me..I will write it later.....)
my upbringing,
my sensibilities,
my thinking....
my intelligence
are all many times a contradiction to what i am living.....its ok ...im human i live and learn .i make mistakes.....i never say never..the possiblities are endless.... ive numerous options....
but now I'm free.....
i am emotional , but i don't have to be so....i don't have to open my heart to everyone...
i should know by now, that people can lie....they can twist the truth.......so why should i be shocked.....why should i be hurt?
Ive realised that I don't want anybody to plan my life for me....
they will do what they think is best....
but i should continue with my plan...
i should remember that i had a plan and i should do that........
and the best thing is that Ive not told anybody about it....
i can work towards it and tell the people i care about when i feel it necessary.....
Darling, Rosh.....this is new to you...this feeling is new....so don't lose your perspective.. don't lose your focus... you are the best.....you can do it....you are strong and dependable ...you can do it just right....
you have to kiss a lot of toads till you find your prince...life is like that.........an adventure....a surprise...... a mystery.....it reveals all slowly.....wonderful!

Ive not gone to work for many days now.......
I dont feel like doing anything.....
Im sitting like a zoombie....wat is the matter with me?will i be able to live? is this death as i will know it? why am i hurting? my head is turning ....im going crazy....
they are planning to take me away....my soul is lost? where is it?
is this a punishment? for a mistake done with an insane mind?
dont i deserve some consideration?
some forgiveness?
some tolerance?
agreed, it was uncalled for...
but am i a bad person??
am i??
DOESNT WHAT WE SHARED HAVE NO MEANING?
something to be easily forgotten?

Im ready to forgive all transgressions.....i can easliy forgive because i love deeply.....

im a nobody...

They say human beings are complete in themselves.

But its not true.

Human beings are known to die of loneliness.

There was an experiment conducted some years back. A cruel experiment.

Two infants were taken as subjects for this experiment.

One infant was given love, attention and food etc. The other one was not given any love and attention but was given only food and other necessary physical facilities.

What would have happened to the both the infants?

Any guesses?

The one that was given love survived and the other died.

Human beings need love and understanding most of all. All other things are secondary.

Human beings want to share happiness. they want to share joy. they also need to share their sorrow. it is the basic need.

sometimes humanbeings get confused, they dont realise the importance of love.........they know it only when they lose it.....

the razai....

I love razai......the wonderful snugly feel of the razai.....during rainy season and winter ...or when its hot... u put the AC on and snuggle into this wonderful Jaipuri quilt....if u have a lover its great.....u can make love in it..... and cuddle afterwards...wow!!!!

being under anesthesia again....

Yesterday, I was under general anesthesia again....
The thing I like about it the best is that, how u feel sleepy slowly slowly and then you are out... u have lost 4 hours of your life.... u know nothing.... feel nothing...its like being dead .....only thing is that u wake up....later....
I wonder what happens to the brain at that time....
Ive always wondered what happens when we die.....is there a soul???A SPIRIT????
i know of course, that there is no heaven or hell as we perceive it....
we will become food for worms...manure for earth.....after we die....
but the spirit of the human being lives for ever..its essence, its reality, its smile....the remembrance, the memories of the person remains for ever....so i believe that we HAVE to do good work help other human beings to make our spirit happy.....to be essentially happy.....
so lets do it Baby!!!!!!lets make it happen....

you know its true................

There's no love - like your love
And no other - could give more love
There's nowhere - unless you're there
All the time - all the way

10th Sept 2009

World Suicide Prevention Day
09, Sept 10th at Bhavan's auditorium,
Andheri(w), Mumbai

The summary of the seminar


SUICIDE IS PREVENTABLE

Causes of suicide: During the last three decades we have learned a great deal about the causes of this complex behavior. Suicide has biological, cultural, social and psychological risk factors. People from socially and economically disadvantaged backgrounds are at increased risk of suicidal behaviour.
Childhood adversity and trauma, and various life stresses as an adult influence risks of suicidal behaviour.
Serious mental illnesses, most commonly depression, substance abuse, anxiety disorders and schizophrenia, are associated with increased risk of suicide.
Diminished social interaction increases suicide risk, particularly among adults and older adults. the pyschology of suicide victim is not so easy to figure out.
The real reason for a suicide may be different from the immediate spark that propels a person to take his life. "It is only when a person has lost all hopes of being able to cope up with the reality that he takes his life,"
Suicide can be prevented. Despite its often complex origins, suicide can be prevented.

why?

Tell me why do u love me???

its difficult...

Ive always craved for a love relationship...
its an emotion that Ive wanted in my life...
to belong to someone completely,
to have someone in my life who knows my needs, my moods,
who loves me for what i am...
someone who doesnt want to change me..
someone who loves me for what i am...
someone who appreciates my efforts , my qualities...
who sees beauty in me...
Then when Ive found it why am i so frustrated???
why???
why all these questions????in my head...???am i not sure then???of this love?
why am i afraid of this love???why is it difficult??

TO BREAK FREE

The time is right....
to move on.... I don't want to use anyone, I don't to do things because of anyone...
I want to do things, because, I feel it.. because it is the best thing...
because Ive to be free... to live, to breathe..I cant live like this anymore....

what must i do

You were my soul,

I loved you so,
But now I have to,
Try and let go.

I must distance myself,
Take you from my life,
Even though the thought,
Fills me with strife.

For you do not love me,
I mean nothing to you,
And no matter how I cry,
There's nothing I can do.

veronika decides to die....paulo coelho

I finished reading this book today...
I had started it last week, I couldn't finish it.....because this book needs you to be true to it....it needs your full concentration...
It is a disturbing book because it hits you right where it should... inside your heart.....

my favorite quotes....

1 There is always a gap between intention and action.

2. Nothing in this world happens by chance.

3. Some people always want to help others. Just so that they can feel better than they really are.

4. She had always spent her life waiting for something.

5. Her body was warmed by the desire of the person waiting for her.

6. She went to work everyday always keeping to the same time table, always making sure she wasn't perceived as threat by her superiors. She was contented but she didn't struggle and hence she didn't grow.

7. The best way to avoid trouble is to share responsibility.

8. An awareness of death encourages us to live more intensely.

i dont want to hurt you....

I don't want to hurt anyone intentionally.....
when I hurt another human being, I hurt myself......
and if the person is some one whom I love, then it disturbs me immensely...
I don't know what to do....