emotions a plenty....

I was asked if I could promise not to fall in love
....I ask..can love be manipulated?can we choose to fall in/out of love ? doesn't it happen on its own?.
There are things that happen on its own...
who wants the deep hurt, pain and depression?
Im sure love slowly comes and engulfs you..
Ive suffered because of my perspective.....because everywhere I see love as a game...
love as a compromise, love as an adjustment.....
but still, I feel love is beautiful emotion..my dreams are true. I HAVE HOPE...Im sure it will happen to me and I will welcome it.
I will not be afraid....I will be brave....
the unconditional kind of love happens only to the most beautiful people on this earth ...
I feel those are the ones who are truly blessed....
Im blessed....
so I cant promise..I can only promise to be brave....brave to be true to my feelings...
all beautiful things will follow.... Im sure...bliss will come ......it will!

the beach..

We Mumbaikars take the BEACH for granted.... but i realised yesterday that there are people who have not seen the beach EVER....
i loved the look of amazement and wonder.........i loved it!!!!
that was the best idea..

some more

for four months i was quiet... that was a difficult and strange phase....i was so inside me...there was no need to communicate...now i feel this rush.... this rush of emotions...i feel anger, tired, worthless, rejection its all negative...
but there is a tiny wick of hope...
what should i do to help my self i wonder...
im trying hard..to understand...

some thoughts

Im troubled most when people are indifferent...
when they behave as if they don't care...
with false pride and stupid ego..
they strive and march on...
thinking that they are immortal..
only to realize that....
its impossible to go on,
as a human being...
with so much anger in their soul....

its 4 months

Its exactly four months since I wrote something..
I was so busy doing seemingly important things that I forgot to connect to my soul.....
if I had, I would not have felt this way....
this heart wrenching despair and distress this need to cry... cry loudly...SCREAM!
this feeling of helplessness...
the truth is that it is not the first time..
it has happened before..
I recall a statement made by Oprah Winfrey ( she makes the most profound statements effortlessly
`Life goes on teaching you, till you rectify your mistakes`
so what I am feeling right now is also a reminder for me....to realize that Ive not learned...
not learned that human beings have yet to find the meaning of the word unconditional....
at this point of time Ive not been able to appreciate what I have...the material comforts as well as the success that Ive achieved through sheer hard work....
I realize that I get affected by cruel words and deeds....
if I feel love for someone....unconditional love. A LOVE WITHOUT ANY EXPECTATIONS ....its looked upon with suspicion....
doesn't every one want to be loved and understood? then why this fear?
why? why????

pluerisy of the lungs

the pain..its un bearable.....physical as well as the mental...more so the mental....
GET WELL SOON..!
FOR WHAT? FOR WHOM?

betrayal.....

i know now how it feels to be betrayed....i cant stop the tears............
i trusted her so much and she went and told him evrything...
it was supposed to be a secret between her and me....
now its become a misunderstanding....
a big bone of contention....
how do i explain ?
the distance is unbearable
i feel all worked up
helpless...
how can i communicate whn all lines of communication has been destroyed
how is it possible....
life is strange.....im so wary of people and then eventually whn i trust.... i go and trust the most unworthy person...
shit!