Love is....

Love is trust and faith, in all circumstances.

Love is never giving up.

Even in the most devastating conditions, never doubt the power of will, never doubt the human capacity for great change.

This I believe, I believe that people must love, unconditionally.

the plan...

The last week in Mumbai... for a long time to come.....

I had made plans....

did I tell u I make plans all the time?( dreaming is my passion).....

none of my dreams have come true.....( irony!!!)

but its no use....

nothing happens according to plan....

because my plans do not involve me alone...

Ive realised that if my plans have to be successful, there is a whole lot of logistics at work...

why should anyone be happy and decide to make my last week happy?

I mean, it is the last week....

so why bother....

who cares if its my first or last?

Im going......

that is the most important thing...Im going...

that proves a lot of things.....

most of all,

that I cannot force anyone to do anything...

my love and feelings are meaning less......

it does not matter.....

nothing does....

but Ive to survive.....yes SURVIVE.....

who makes u feel........

I cant upload the video ( Im not A computer EXPERT.. after all...)
so see this on you tube......

Im listening and humming this at present.... hope u like it too....

dido-who makes you feel....

the hope less ness.....

Its no use...
its official.....
its a hopeless situation.....
every human being needs to be needed.....
im not needed.....
i can be replaced.....yes... its true..its a humbling experience...
to know that u r not indispensible....
there are many in this world that are better than you....
but still there is only one ME.....
who will know me?
who will take the time to understand me?
who will be patient with me?
who knows all abt me?
who knows the real me?

the blend of the universes......

beautiful thats the only word from me......
will write more abt it in detail.....................

love will find a way..... through planets....!!!!

please listennnnnnnn

PLEASE HEAR WHAT I’M NOT SAYING

Don’t be fooled by me, don’t be fooled by the face I wear. For I wear a thousand masks, masks that I’m afraid to take off and none of them is me. Pretending is an art that’s second nature with me, but don’t be fooled; for God’s sake, don’t be fooled.

I give the impression that I’m secure, that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well as without, that confidence is my name and coolness my game; that the water’s calm and I’m in command, and that I need no one. But don’t believe me. Please!

My surface may seem smooth, but my surface is my mask. Beneath dwells the real me in confusion, in fear and aloofness. But I hide this. I don’t want anybody to know it. I panic at the thought of my weakness and fear of being exposed.

That’s why I frantically create a mask to hide behind, a nonchalant, sophisticated facade to help me pretend, to shield me from the glance that knows. But such a glance is precisely my salvation. My only salvation. And I know it. That is, if it’s followed by acceptance, is it’s followed by love. It is the only thing that will assure me of what I can’t assure myself – that I am worth something.

But I don’t tell you this. I don’t dare. I’m afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance and love. I’ am afraid you will think less of me, that you’ll laugh at me, and your laugh would kill me. I’m afraid that deep down I’m nothing, that I’m no good, and that you will see this and reject me

So I play my game my desperate game, with a facade of assurance without and a trembling child within. And so begins the parade of masks. And my life becomes a front.

I idly chatter to you in the suave of surface talk. I tell you everything that is really nothing, and nothing of what’s everything, of what’s crying withing me: so when I’m going through my routine, do not be fooled by what I’m saying. Please listen carefully and try to hear what I’m not saying, what I’d like to be able to say, what for survival I need to say but what I can’t say.

I dislike hiding. Honestly! I dislike the superficial game I’m playing, the phony game. I’d really like to be genuine and spontaneous, and me, but you’ve got to help me. You’ve got to hold out your hand, even when that’s the last thing I seem to want. Only you can wipe away from my eyes the blank stare of breathing death. Only you can call me into aliveness.

Each time you’re kind and gentle and encouraging, each time you try to understand because you really care, my heart begins to grow wings – very small wings, very feeble wings, but wings. With your sensitivity and concern, and your power of understanding, you can breathe life into me. I want you to know that.

I want you to know how important you are to me, how you can be the creating of the person that is me if you choose to. You alone can release me from my shadow-world, of panic and uncertainty, from my lonely person. Do not pass me by. Please do not pass me by.

It will not be easy for you. A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls. The nearer you approach me, the more blindly I strike back. I fight against the very thing I cry out for. But I am told that love is stronger than walls, and in this lies my hope. Please try to beat down those walls with firm hands, but gentle hands; for a child is very sensitive.

Who am I, you may wonder?

I am someone you know very well.

For I am YOU!

Yes this is the me calling you

Paradox

LIFE IS THE SUM TOTAL OF ONES EXPERIENCESS.

Im an educated woman.

Ive experiences of talking to and interacting with numerous people.

I teach Psychology.

I must have counselled many people who are depressed and low.

The thing is, intellectually, in theory, I know many things.

I am aware of my feelings and my inner self.

but, when it comes to handling my feelings Im a novice.

many of the feelings that Im experiencing are very new to me.

Im reassessing myself.

I think the gut feeling that one has is very important.

Yes... there are no accidents in this world.

Everything happens for a reason.

I must learn to LET GO....

I know ultimately I will do what is right.....

my feelings are true and my love is pure...

THE RIGHT THING WILL HAPPEN.......

IM SURE OF THAT.............

Nothing and nobody is more important in this world than MY OWN SELF.

Of course,I know this......

Im confused only when people give me mixed signals.

They say something and mean something.

I take people on face value.

I believe everything they say.

Mostly I don't judge people. I just accept them.

I ask questions many questions....... sometimes repeatedly, to be sure and because Ive not got a satisfactory answer.Mostly Im trying to understand what the person feels about certain issues.

or mainly what they feel about me......

In no way I want to force or pressurise anybody......

I WANT NOTHING.......NOTHING.....

DONT GIVE ME ANYTHING THAT U DONT WANT TO GIVE......

not even your love and time.....

I apologise again to anyone who has felt that Im a nag...

it was unintentional..............

I was living in a fantasy land......many of the things I ask are just my dreams...may never happen....its only a fragment of my imagination...my very wild imagination.....

sometimes I am trying to convince the other person into thinking like I do.

but never to impose or hurt or get angry..........

My eyes have been opened...

I have learnt that, its useless.....

people will do what they please....

people will not change, because i want them to......

if there has to be a change....

I have to change......