the x mas season!

The christmas season brings back lots of memories ...xmas as a child..believing in all the stories that the nuns told me......praying so frantically for miracles to happen.....
now i know the truth of life and really, what differnce has it made? i dont know.....
i know wats the essence of life but shouldnt everyone know that life is not to be taken seriously?
im reminded of the cow and the pig...
the pig asked the cow why is it that everyone loves u and respects you?
the cow says `coz im useful when im alive and also whn im dead and u r useful only when u r dead`......so i ask my self....am i useful when im alive?do i need to be useful? do i need to be doing something everytime?my god..the questions that rush into my head sometimes are really too much........i dont have all the answers but i hve some....i think its enuf.....
ive realised that having lots of free time is not good if u r not occupied with somethng....i crave for time and when i get it.....i dont want it...is it the same for everyone..............
hmmmm?

hmm?

There exists no God. What exists is godliness, and that godliness surrounds you. We are all in the same ocean.
An ancient story is: A young, very philosophical-minded fish asked other fish, "We have heard so much about the ocean; where is it? I want to meet the ocean." Everybody shrugged their shoulders; they said, "We have also heard about the ocean, but we don't know where it is." An old fish took the boy aside and told him, "There is no other ocean anywhere. We are in it. We are born in it, we live in it, we die in it. This is the ocean."

the moon...........

The moon certainly makes everything beautiful.

On a full-moon night you see beauty spread all around, even to ordinary plants.

Ordinary flowers are shining with joy.

Small puddles of water are reflecting the full moon with as much depth as the greatest ocean.
So it does not matter which body you have;

whether man or woman, bird or animal;

whether you are poor or rich.

In a silent space, just watching the moon, you are filled with tremendous beauty.

That beauty arises in your innermost world.

The moon simply triggers it.

Dogen, The Zen Master:
A Search and a Fulfillment

tears like dew drops

when will eyelashes meet with eyelashes.........

its been a while since they met....

i know dear, tears flow.....

into a river of emotions...

but let it go.....

let your tears decorate my eyelashes

like dew drops on a thorn...

let all your sadness come and rest...

on my eyelashes...

im waiting.....waiting...will wait for ever.....

a difficult time

These days are difficult....
a time when I feel so alienated
I see my whole life playing in front of me....i can actually see me doing one thing and then another......and then another....again and again.....
and dont know whats the purpose of it
why am I here? what am I really supposed to do?
Im told everyone is doing it so i must do it too...
do what?
existing..!
working....eating......partying..boozing.....being high....is that living?
no time to breathe.... to sit calm..... to understand another human being...
isnt life supposed to be more than that?
just existing..???for shits sake...!!!!
doing what everyone is doing?
is not life about being...
being in sync with your soul.....
feeling bliss....
when will the business of have to exist end....???
when will i live...
when???when will everyone live.............

how i long to fly away from this maddening crowd.................help me.....help.......

a long time!!!

ive not written for a long time....

was so immersed in my own thing for a long time..........

feeling so sorry for myself

feling pity for my self

wallowing in being a victim....

being dependent

how i hate my self...

i feel ashamed...