the x mas season!

The christmas season brings back lots of memories ...xmas as a child..believing in all the stories that the nuns told me......praying so frantically for miracles to happen.....
now i know the truth of life and really, what differnce has it made? i dont know.....
i know wats the essence of life but shouldnt everyone know that life is not to be taken seriously?
im reminded of the cow and the pig...
the pig asked the cow why is it that everyone loves u and respects you?
the cow says `coz im useful when im alive and also whn im dead and u r useful only when u r dead`......so i ask my self....am i useful when im alive?do i need to be useful? do i need to be doing something everytime?my god..the questions that rush into my head sometimes are really too much........i dont have all the answers but i hve some....i think its enuf.....
ive realised that having lots of free time is not good if u r not occupied with somethng....i crave for time and when i get it.....i dont want it...is it the same for everyone..............
hmmmm?

hmm?

There exists no God. What exists is godliness, and that godliness surrounds you. We are all in the same ocean.
An ancient story is: A young, very philosophical-minded fish asked other fish, "We have heard so much about the ocean; where is it? I want to meet the ocean." Everybody shrugged their shoulders; they said, "We have also heard about the ocean, but we don't know where it is." An old fish took the boy aside and told him, "There is no other ocean anywhere. We are in it. We are born in it, we live in it, we die in it. This is the ocean."

the moon...........

The moon certainly makes everything beautiful.

On a full-moon night you see beauty spread all around, even to ordinary plants.

Ordinary flowers are shining with joy.

Small puddles of water are reflecting the full moon with as much depth as the greatest ocean.
So it does not matter which body you have;

whether man or woman, bird or animal;

whether you are poor or rich.

In a silent space, just watching the moon, you are filled with tremendous beauty.

That beauty arises in your innermost world.

The moon simply triggers it.

Dogen, The Zen Master:
A Search and a Fulfillment

tears like dew drops

when will eyelashes meet with eyelashes.........

its been a while since they met....

i know dear, tears flow.....

into a river of emotions...

but let it go.....

let your tears decorate my eyelashes

like dew drops on a thorn...

let all your sadness come and rest...

on my eyelashes...

im waiting.....waiting...will wait for ever.....

a difficult time

These days are difficult....
a time when I feel so alienated
I see my whole life playing in front of me....i can actually see me doing one thing and then another......and then another....again and again.....
and dont know whats the purpose of it
why am I here? what am I really supposed to do?
Im told everyone is doing it so i must do it too...
do what?
existing..!
working....eating......partying..boozing.....being high....is that living?
no time to breathe.... to sit calm..... to understand another human being...
isnt life supposed to be more than that?
just existing..???for shits sake...!!!!
doing what everyone is doing?
is not life about being...
being in sync with your soul.....
feeling bliss....
when will the business of have to exist end....???
when will i live...
when???when will everyone live.............

how i long to fly away from this maddening crowd.................help me.....help.......

a long time!!!

ive not written for a long time....

was so immersed in my own thing for a long time..........

feeling so sorry for myself

feling pity for my self

wallowing in being a victim....

being dependent

how i hate my self...

i feel ashamed...

RESUME`

Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp
.Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.

the self...

im important...thats important!!!!!! ........

this is wierd!!
theres this guy....who called me for some Bloody loan thing....on my mobile....and i ws in the local train..i coudnt hear a word of what he was saying..so i told him to call me after half an hour...and as soon as half an hour was up this guy calls me......he explains evryhting and asks me if i want to become a financial consultant....i tell him i am not interested and he thanked me for listening to him. as im a listener....... trained actually to be a listener.....i listened and i actually liked the guys earnest voice and his excitement in finding someone who listens.....
the next day he calls again...he says he doesnt want to talk about loan and finnance but about himself...... i was curious...so i say ok...he speaks about himself....hes singer..he sings to me i love it.... i ask him to sing my fav song..he sings and we find that we have lots in common love for travelling and music....
he called again and then again and again.......now he wants to meet me...
should i?

friendship day!!

we celebrated friendship day in style.......had a biggggggggggggg lunch.......and ate paan after a long time....and we three were in green.....what telepathy... i loved it....
thankz dears....

The Eyes Have It

If people around you will not hear you, fall down before them and beg their forgiveness, for in truth you are to blame.
~Charles Darwin

PALLAVI

Pallavi is a friend of mine with whom i share a love -hate relationship...
her son suffers from thalassemia and i feel tremendous sympathy for her..
but its difficult for me to provide sympathy on a everyday basis....and so those days become difficult for both of us....
i know she likes me very much.(even though i ignore her many a times when she looks at me for sympathy), she comes to me with a huge smile the next day.
what i really hate about her is this need for constant attention and her need to talk about her life which is devoid of any joy..she feels she is a VICTIM...
i feel so helpless ....ive tried being indifferent, neglectful.....sulking..but she just doesnt get the message.
what do i do?

ME!

main apni favorite hoon!

eyes

Have you ever looked into the eyes of an infant and felt that you could jump in and go for a swim? They are so open and inviting it’s almost unnerving.
You can’t help but wonder how they see life; that somehow they experience a magical world beyond your vision.
Why do we feel that? It isn’t logical. If you couldn’t walk or feed yourself; if you were incontinent; if all you could do was roll over in bed; if you had no ability to speak or even think in rational verbal terms — wouldn’t you be considered disabled?
Why then are we so quietly envious of these little people? What magic do we sense in them? Does Buddha swim in the depths of those liquid eyes?
Perhaps there is a Buddha consciousness in these 6 month old, uninhibited, sometimes serene, often demanding, easily fascinated, bed-wetting bundles of joy. Why not?
Life is strange. Is it such a stretch that infants, despite all of their outward limitations, process abilities of perception we wish we had?

And since their limitations primarily set them apart from us, could it be that these limitations are their causative Buddha-factor?
The silent advantage of infants
Infants perceive their world in each moment, fully, deeply, and without bias. Us big people on the other hand, experience a verbal-thought-summation of what we see in the moment based on pre-established judgments. Adults perceive life through a template of fixed, albeit slowly changing, definitions. Infants have no template blocking their vision.
One of the reasons for this is that infants have no verbal language associated with their thought and perception.
Think for a moment about this vast mysterious world. Try to use all of your imagination to probe the depth and reach of its content. It’s impossible. And yet, we allow words to define our experience of it.
Can you imagine what it might be like to have no words entering your mind as you perceive and think about your world? How would that change your world-view?

Also, because everything is new to them, infants judge less. They haven’t yet acquired the experience to know what to accept and what to reject. How would it change your life if you could selectively suspend judgment to facilitate a more dynamic view of circumstance?
Science Daily recently featured the research of Lisa Scott, a psychologist at the University of Massachusetts at Amherst. The articles reported her findings on the perceptual development of infants. Of infants 6 months or under, Lisa says, “During this time the brain is sensitive and responsive to the surrounding environment.”
But after 6 months of age, Scott concludes, “what is most intriguing about these findings is that they collectively suggest that typical perceptual specialization and development is characterized by the gradual decline of abilities.”
Scott is suggesting that we loose our dynamic responsiveness to the world after 6 months of age, in preference for a selective focus on the essential elements of survival and satisfaction.

In the Association for Psychological Science, an article titled, New study shows that infants have mind-reading capability describes the work of Luca Surian, a psychologist at the University of Trento in Italy.
Luca’s research is primarily concerned with the ability to reason about the mind. According to the article in APS, his findings indicate that psychological reasoning skills enabling us to predict another’s behavior are in place in infants, independent of environmental or learned behavior. Surian explains that, “this is mind reading proper, however rudimentary.”Is it possible that infants have perceptual and intuitive abilities, and that we have lost some of those attributes? It appears so. Can we reclaim them?

SHILPA`S STORY

My roomies shilpa and shubhangi have become an integral part of my life!
Shilpa`s story
Shilpa is a very liberal girl in all ways and....she wants to marry for love...
she met this guy some 6 years back and fell in love....he promised her marriage...when he would be settled...she agreed to wait .......which now turned out to be 6 years .....this guy made all sort of excuses..mainly about making a decent amount of money before getting married to her....
last saturday saw shilpa all red eyed and sorrowful......this guy broke off the relationship...reason ...he doesnt have the guts to tell his parents about shilpa....
what a shame!what a waste of precious years! i didnt know how to console her( but in my heart i knew this was going to happen!)
i told her there are other fish in the sea......( dunno if i did right?????)

MUNICIPAL SCHOOLS.......

Municipal schools in Mumbai....Ive a lot to say about them....but will be brief...
yesterday I had been to one of them for some work......
the plight of the kids and teachers is pathetic.....
no safe drinking water, dirty smelly toilets...( i almost vomited)
teachers who dont knw their subjects....
teachers are mere clerks, they are expected to take admissions, do the paper work, file documents,and also manage 4 classes!
the rains have made the water room into a stagnant mess.....
the students are mostly first generation school goers....
i saw that many students were suffering from scabies...
during break time...the students sit in the corridors and eat their lunch...in their haste to eat, they spill their food and make a mess of the place...
WHO IS RESPONSIBLE?
WHY DONT WE GET ANGRY ANYMORE?
WHY DONT WE PROTEST?
HAVE BECOME SO INSENSITIVE?

being in love with life

The beauty of being in love with life is that it keeps u happy always...
as a human being i know its very dificult to be in one emotional state always...but i think happiness is an exception....
now there may be a question....if something sad happens like losing a loved one or illness or something equally devastating.......... then what?
i think that if u r happy inside and know that nothing really matters ....then you wont be so flabbergasted, shocked with the blows that life offers...
ive been depressed a number of times about failed relationships, Illness,, death...etc...
but i think ive managed to bounce back only because ive not taken LIFE so seriously....
i really dont have a 'must' or a' should' in my dictionary....evrything is grey..no black no white.....
earlier i used to try to explain my philosophy to my friends but now i know that, its not something to be explained but to actually live.....
life is truly beautiful......just dont take it too seriously...
take time to laugh at yourself
be with friends....
make time for yourself
cultivate atleast one activity that u enjoy doing...
maintain relatinships....
dont take people for granted
accept human frailities
i think thats it! :-)

mirabai!

A poem by Mirabai:

Unbreakable, O Lord, Is the love

That binds me to You

Like a diamond, It breaks the hammer that strikes it.

My heart goes into You

As the polish goes into the gold.

As the lotus lives in its water, I live in You.

Like the bird

That gazes all night

At the passing moon,

I have lost myself dwelling in You.

O my Beloved - Return.

dew drop!

There is a beautify story about the life of a great Japanese poet, Issa.
When Issa was only thirty he had already lost his five children; five children had died by the time he was thirty. Then his wife died and he was almost completely mad - in anguish, in suffering.
He went to a Zen Master. The Zen Master asked, "What is the problem
Issa said, "My five children are dead and now my wife is dead. Why is there so much suffering? I can't see the reason for it. What is the explanation? I have not done anything wrong to anybody. I have lived a very poor life, but I was happy. Now suddenly my five children are gone, my wife is also gone - why is there so much suffering, and for no reason?"
The Zen Master said, "Life is just like a dew-drop in the morning. It is the nature of life that death happens. There is no explanation; it is the nature of life. There is no need for any special reason to be given. Life's nature is like a dew-drop; it hangs for a while on a leaf of grass; a small breeze and it is gone; the sun rises and it evaporates. That is the nature of life."
Issa was a man of deep intelligence. He is a poet and he understood it. He came back and he wrote a poem. The poem means: 'Life, a dew-drop? Yes, I understand. Life is a dew-drop. Yet ... and yet ... .'
In that 'Yet ... and yet ...', he is saying something superbly human - the wife is gone, the children are gone and the eyes are full of tears: 'Yet ... and yet ... .'

gone for government work!

Three of us were taken to a Godforsaken Government guest house................in the middle of nowhere....
we stayed in one room on the first floor having 4 iron cots and mattress that looked like old rags...( there was one rope hanging in the corner for drying clothes or for commiting suicide i dunno.....but we ignored the rope...we stuffed all our dirty clothes into our bags....we did not dare to wash anything in the dingy bathroom with 50 cockroaches!)
The morning we reached,we dumped our bags there and went to the place where we were supposed to do confidential government work....
we were seated on old rickety chairs with tables that were at least a 50 years old, with shaking legs....
we were asked to finish our work..in exactly 4 days...( it acually takes 15 days to finish the work that was assigned to us)
to which we protested and then agreed......
(we had to ........there was no way we were going to stay in the GUEST HOUSE for more than 4 days...)
In the evening when we reached our room dog -tired......we saw that the bedsheets weren't changed..no room service...so climbed down the stairs ,,brought the person incharge inside our room and showed him the bedsheets and asked him to PLEASE change the sheets....
and u know what he did?
he jerked the sheets off the beds and gave it a nice shake shake shake.......and lo! all the dust...went straight into my nose.....and then i started sneezing........which of course i couldn't control....took an AVIL and went to sleep.....(on the bed with upturned bedsheets throughly shaken!)
the next day............started the race to finish the work assigned.......got up only to go to the loo and eat 2 morsels of food which they so generously provided us.......
on the 4th day.......i submitted my share of the work and ran all the way to the bus stand.....and
boarded the bus home......
I miss home when I am away....................very very much.....!!!!!!!!!!

Le Annoyables......

1.Interruptions
eg.(a)Ive just made some fresh tea, pumped up the cushions,taken out the book mark from the current book that im reading,have read ten lines and ....the door bell rings......
eg(b) At the end of a working day,have found, a window seat on the empty local train waiting at the station, theres another 10 minutes for the train start...hmmmm took out shoes, propped up my tired feet on the opposite seat and tried to relax......and there comes a bunch of college girls and want to sit on the very spot where ive propped my feet....arghhhhhhhhhhh
2.People who dont understand punch lines and except me to explain PUNCH LINES...
3.People who stretch their mouth and think it resembles a smile......

what is there to know?

yesterday we had a debate....
some one told me about a new philosophy class in town.....and asked me if i was interested....
i said i didnt need any philosophy class.. and tht i knew what there is to know...
wht is there to know?
life is beautiful....
live life to the fullest.....evry moment, every breath....
love your self....
listen to your inner voice.....
after all,
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt within the heart.
Helen Keller

angels..........

It is important to know that every single human being, from the moment of birth until the moment when we make the transition and end this physical existence, is in the presence of guides or guardian angels who will wait for us and help us in the transition from life to life after death.”
- Elisabeth Kübler-Ross



.

Rahim ke dohe....Rahim`s couplets......

Do not break the thread of love by a jerk. Either it will be broken forever or will have a knot when tied.

If one has a healthy mindset then he need not worry about the persons with whom he is associated. A sandalwood tree does not become poisonous inspite of being a residing place for snakes.

HAIKU

Haiku is one of the most important form of traditional Japanese poetry. Haiku is, today, a 17-syllable verse form consisting of three metrical units of 5, 7, and 5 syllables.

The moment two bubbles are united,
they both vanish.
A lotus blooms.





Silence--
a strangled Telephone has forgotten
That it should ring




World like a dewdrop
though it's only a dewdrop
even so, even so.




I sit at my desk each night with no place to go,
opening the wrinkled maps
of Milwaukee and Buffalo .

hubbly bubbly

hmmmm! ..... tried this again......yesterday....

had a quiet dinner and took this Nargeela / Nargile / Narghile / Nargileh / Nagili / Arghili / Argili / Argilah / Argila / Arghila / Arghileh / Argeela / Sheesha / Shisha / Hookah / Hubble Bubble / Hubbla Bubbla / Okka / Kalayn / Water Pipe ........apple flavored smoke....surrrounded me....and i was in heaven....!!!!

am i valued???

Im a little worried about my mental health…………. I suffer from insomnia.
recently I read that insomnia is a symptom of depression….
Am I depressed? I think all of us get depressed, for some reason or the other in our life time….but we also learn to cope…those who don’t learn to cope….we all know, what happens to them…..
Am I depressed?
When i think about it …I think yes!.....am i coping with it….i thought I was doing fine….except for this damn sleeplessness…..
Now I feel I have to do something about it…..what is it that makes me depressed?....
The selfishness of humans( though, i know very well that humans are so frail)
I think everyone on this earth wants to be VALUED…..and when that doesn’t happen….there could be a lot of problems….when I think of problems…….. there r huge ones…on this earth….but I think each and everyone of these problems begin with this primary need of a human being…the need to be valued….
Am I not valued then?
I ve to think about this……

balcony gardening...

A few months ago as I was passing through a nursery, on an impulse, I bought a chilli sapling......

I watered it everyday I wanted to see if I had a green finger......and lo! I saw little leaves peeping ..I was so happy.....

I went out and brought 5 containers ......and some more saplings......

3 flowering plants..., mint and curry leaves.....

now, they all seem happy to be living in my home........ Ive brought manure and fertilizer........

I wake up and the first thing I do is look at my plantlings.......they smile at me.....

a few days ago, my neighbor gave me a cutting of bougainvillea....beautiful pink flowers....

I put it up ....and hope that it becomes thick foliage

I learned that she too is an enthusiast.....

nowadays we spend hours discussing how we can make our balcony interesting.......

wow! never thought i would be a gardener..

THE FORT

I stood at the gates with flowers in my ear....

waiting.......

knowing that it would happen....

the walk, with fifteen children....onto a fabled fort....

which was not a fort at all...it was HOPE

and HOPE we had in abundance....

we hitch-hiked, climbed trucks, huddled into unknown vehicles,

on that magical night.......

it was dark but our faces shone...radiant with secrets...

the unbearable excitement made the children sleepy.....

what an adventure!.....

they speak of it loudly even now,your name synonymous with mine!

we speak of it silently in our dreams.......

wats this...???

yes...ive felt it a number of times....the connection...the strong pull.....but can it happen with a person whom u hve never met?u dont even know how he looks like.....but u know he exists.....exists somewhere.... y am i so sure that i will meet him?

a simple question..

r we really free?

To know oneself is to know all. And that is the only thing I emphasize; no belief, no dogma, no creed, no church, no religion. By a simple process of inner observation you come to realize yourself... Truth is within – seek not elsewhere.-osho

love me tender......

Love Me Now
If you are ever going to love me,

Love me now,

while I can know

The sweet and tender feelings,

Which from true affections flow.
Love me now

While I am living.

Do not wait until I'm gone

And then have it chiseled in marble

Sweet words on ice-cold stone.
If you have tender thoughts of me,

Please tell me now.

If you wait until I'm sleeping,

Never to awaken,

There will be death between us,

And I won't hear you then.
So, if you love me,

even a little bit,

Let me know it while I am living

So I can treasure it.

trust!

ive always wondered about trust and how much is too much......

there are some people with whom u can trust your life with.....( hopefully your life is precious to u) for me building trust is of utmost importance....i think its trust that takes a relationship forward.....without that perfect trust in your self and the other im sure the relationship will surely fail...
now, trust in what?

one of my many quirks!

Ive to confess that i hate to receive gifts......Ive become cynical about receiving gifts....Ive become distrustful of people who give me something/or offer to do some favour for me..
I wonder why? I wonder what has made me so silly?
what is it that i really fear?
i feel so obliged to do/give more and even out the favour........
sometimes i give away gifts(that Ive received) to other people....
i feel so terrible.... many a times, the gift....gets damaged...some how..and i don't use it then....i wonder why this happens.....is it an unconscious effort to not use the gift..... ?
i feel happy to use things that Ive bought with my hard earned cash.... and let me tell u, i love to give gifts...
why am i not a good receiver?

my most most most fav ghazal......(chitra singh)

Dard Badhkar Fughan Na Ho Jaaye

Ye Zameen Aasmaan Na Ho Jaaye

Dil Mein Dooba Hua Jo Nashtar Hai''

Mere Dil Ki Zubaan Na Ho Jaaye

Dil Ko Le Leejiye Jo Lena Hai

Fir Ye Sauda Garan Na Ho Jaaye

Aah Kije Magar Latif Tabhi

Lab Tak Aakar Dhuaan Na Ho Jaaye

wedding!!

Yesterday i attended a wedding reception..actually i didn't know the bride nor the groom...... i didn't even know the bride`s nor the groom`s parents very well...then how did i get the invitation? and why did i go for the wedding...?

i don't have to cook today!

whn i went there ...oh! wat a crowd...........i think all the women had the same idea as me....anyway...as i proceeded to have a look at the bride and groom (they looked cleverly madeup!).....i thought... should i go and wish them? ..i dont know them and i would have to give a long introduction about myself....i decided against it...they dont deserve this on their wedding day...............since it was an arranged marriage , the easy compatiablity that one sees on a couples face who know each other was missing.............. i could see the varied emotions writ on their faces ...the girl looked nervous (no doubt thinking of the night ahead )and the groom looked triumphant.....

i then proceed towards the banquet hall where food and drinks were being served...i saw the men running towards the bar...and the women rushing toward the buffet table...

hmmmm the food sure looked good..... biryani,butter chicken, fish moilee, tandoori kebabs, noodles, chaat,salads,ice cream,the counter seemed endless....

ok...so this is wat the groom`s father wanted to show off...his wealth....or maybe the dowry that he must have managed to get from the brides family....( the brides family must have given it willingly too!)

when i reached my turn at the buffet...i grabbed some food and tried to find someone to talk to....

but evryone was in the process of eating..(.i think everyone just wanted to eat and go home.)..after i finished ..............i peeked at the new couple..there was a long queue of people waiting to wish the couple................ i tired to locate the groom`s Father but couldn't, with all the din and crowd and heat...i just wanted to get back home....and that's what i did.....

so thts how my whole evening was spoiled..i dunno what i ate....felt miserable the whole time...and....forgot to give the present i had taken,

now never ...never will i go for a wedding to save myself some cooking............

hmmmmmmmmmm there are no free lunches.....only headaches....later.....

Sing me a Song!!!!!!

Sing me a song, A song you and I know,

A song that will put me to sleep,

This song that I always listen to makes me cry,

Missing you with every inch on my heart,

Knowing that you will not return,

Sing me a song,

A song that will help me forget about you,

A song that will heal my heart,

A song of forgiveness,

Just sing a song,

A song that can not be forgotten,

A song so memorable,

Only a memory,

Sing me song, A song that we will love,

A song we can not live with out, Just sing me a song,

A song that only you and I know.

The Stone Age

Fond husband, ancient settler in the mind,

Old fat spider, weaving webs of bewilderment, Be kind.

You turn me into a bird of stone,

a granite Dove, you build round me a shabby room,

And stroke my pitted face absent-mindedly while You read.

With loud talk you bruise my pre-morning sleep,

You stick a finger into my dreaming eye.

And Yet, on daydreams, strong men cast their shadows, they sink Like white suns in the swell of my Dravidian blood,

Secretly flow the drains beneath sacred cities. When you leave, I drive my blue battered car Along the bluer sea.

I run up the forty Noisy steps to knock at another's door.

Through peep-holes, the neighbours watch, they watch me come And go like rain.

Ask me, everybody, ask me What he sees in me, ask me why he is called a lion,

A libertine, ask me why his hand sways like a hooded snake Before it clasps my pubis.

Ask me why like A great tree, felled, he slumps against my breasts, And sleeps.

Ask me why life is short

and love is Shorter still,

ask me what is bliss and what its price....

MY TWINSOUL....

.....Music, poems, stories,emotions,feelings,amazement,wonder,happiness, bliss....
together at the right time, at the right place exactly when u need it....
to help u believe in yourself, in your true, pure self....
to love u unconditionally, to accept you, to not jugde you....
to compliment you , to soothe you , to inquire about you...
to calm you, to guide you, to care, to bring a smile to your tired face....
I think Ive got it......MY TWIN SOUL........HELLO!!

The Island!!!!

A beautiful circle....in the middle of a city.....

of plants, trees, people.....people who love solitude came alone.....

we were two..but actually one...happy in our aloneness...knowing very well we could be together and still be alone....

do u remember?

the earth that smelled so sweet....the soil that stuck to our clothes....wanting us to come back ...again...and again.....

which we did..

do u remember? the relief of lying down....on the grass.....

just to be able to rest our backs and tired legs...

the amazement of finding such a place.....in a city like ours...

do u remember the last time we met....

we spoke of dreams,of connections, of life, of beauty.....

so much has happened since then....

so much.....

but Ive not found anyone yet....

to go with to the island...

maybe i wont find....

the island waits for us...ITS OUR SECRET.....

it beckons us

will it find us there again? thats the question it asks......

i dont know what to say.....

forgive!

To forgive but not forget is a double edged sword

you can't excuse their actions ,then never let them live it down!

we think it makes us stronger

we won't be hurt again,

but in fact we only hurt ourselves and drive ourselves insane

if you can't move on from actions taken

be the one to take the blame, for we ourselves will make mistakes

there's no rules in this game

fear not the one inflicted with pain

but the bearer of the burden

is the one who can't forgive himself

for causing all your hurting

when reality comes in through the backdoor.......

Its so easy to live in a world of fantasy...of make believe....in ignorance...

The sense of mystery that every man craves for is soooooo important

when the mystery comes into your home., into your life...u no longer want to solve it...

Its then difficult...

to recognise your fantasy, your fun, the lies........

u rather run away...... u find faults...thers no more time!!!!!......

u have to find a another MYSTERY, another pack of lies!

For me, Ive always wanted to face life head on....to understand my reality..

I know theres only that much that I have to offer,

but what I have is precious beyond anything in this world....

I hold a treasure in my heart.....

and I have an ignited mind......

I feel free and happy....I feel bliss.....

but I am not a mystery,

Im open now....Im unmasked....naked....

I dont want to play the game...

I dont want to be ignorant any more.....

I want my reality to come to me from the front door......and embrace me..

as Im ready now.....

ready as never before!!!!!

ghalib....

What Shakespeare is to English Language, Ghalib is to Urdu, the language of over a billion people around the world.
A literary contemporary of Khayyam, Hafiz, Rumi, Bedil, Sa'di and Mir, Ghalib is the most widely read poet of Urdu Language.
Yeh na thee hamari qismat..

Yeh na thee hamari qismat keh wisaal-e-yaar hota
Agar aur jeete rahtay yehi intezaar hota

Tere waade par jiyee ham to yeh jaan jhoot jana
Keh khushi se mar na jaate agar intezaar hota

Yeh kahaan ki dosti hai bane hain dost naaseh
Koi chaarasaaz hota koi ghamghuzar hota

Kahoon kis se main keh kya hai shab-e-gham buri balaa hai
Mujhe kya bura tha marana agar aikbaar hota

Huay mar keh ham jo ruswa huay kyun ka gharq-e-dariya
Na kabhi janaza uthata na kahin mazaar hota

Yeh masaael-e-tasavvuf yeh tera bayan ghalib
Tujhe ham wali samajhate Joh na badaakhwar hota.

T R A N S L A T I O N
I N
E N G L I S H

It was never in my fate to meet my beloved.
Even if more years of life was to me allocated, I would have been still awaiting the prize cherished.

If you think that I had been living on your promise, it is a lie.
For, if I had faith in you, would not of joy I would die.

Woe betide, my friendship, that the friends give pious advice and sermons they deliver.
I need someone on whose shoulders could I weep, who could allay my grief and my fears.

Whom should I tell that the night of sorrow is full of pangs.
I would not have resented the death, if it comes only once.

Disgraced, as I was after my death, why didn't I drown in a river or sea.
Neither, there would have been a funeral, nor tomb erected for me.

The marvels of ethical problems and your statements full of meanings.
I would have counted you, "Ghalib" amongst dearest friends of God; if only, you had not been a lover of drinks.

coincidences

Coincidences do they really happen....... or is it destiny.....
i read somewhere that coincidences don't really happen..... theres nothing like it....maybe serendipity...
Spirits that have the same positivity move towards each other...this can happen whether u r in India or in Spain or in Ethiopia..
one day the spirits meet......
my life is dotted with examples of this kind of serendipity
Ive met all my forever friends in some kind of supernatural situation.....when i think about it i feel extraordinary..... blessed...happy.....

cry at nightfall.

I cry for me.
For the dead, the alive and well.
The starving children.
The mishaps of today and perhaps tomorrow.
I cry and cry, 'till I can't cry no more.
My eyes will be red tomorrow

yes to life......

Everything tells me that I am about to make a wrong decision,but making mistakes is part of life.What does the world want from me? Does it want me to take no risks, to go back where I came from because I didn't have the courage to say 'yes' to life?

Paulo Coelho
(Eleven Minutes

shri shri ravi shankar....

Question: Guruji how do we know that our experiences are authentic? And how do we know that we are progressing on the spiritual path?
Si Sri: You know doubt always come on that is true. You never doubt depression. You doubt love, whereas you never doubt anger! Therefore if you are having a doubt on your experiences just know that they are all authentic (Laughter!!).
And how to gaze whether your are progressing on the spiritual path or not; see if you have become more compassionate. See if you feel more relaxed and free now. Do you feel free or not? Just see within yourself. See how much does the entire happening around you bother you. Do they bother you like before or not? Does the external events bother you still? Even if they bother you see how much time does it stay for. See how fast you are catching up with your self! You should not think that, oh! I should never get upset! See how fast you are coming back to your self! A few minutes of distraction and then you are back. Don't Judge yourself. There is no need to judge yourself. Can you become a student and an examiner at the same time? No. Certainly not! You are learning now so leave the evaluation work to some one else!! Let Him decide, let Him evaluate!

Love: A Natural Kind of Meditation

Osho,How can people turn the human phenomenon of falling in love into a meditation?

It is the easiest way. In human life, love is the closest phenomenon to meditation. The moment you fall in love with someone, what actually happens? What transpires between those two who have fallen in love with each other? They drop their egos ― at least for each other. They drop their hypocrisies, their masks. They want to be together, almost one soul within two bodies. That's the desire of love. And this is a beautiful moment to change it into a meditation. Just nobody has ever told them. In fact, just the opposite has been told to them: that love is against meditation, so people who are falling in love can never become meditators. The same people who make celibacy spiritual make love unspiritual, something dirty, condemned. But to me things are totally different. Love helps you to relax, which is part of meditation. Love helps you to be joyous, which is part of meditation. Love helps you, for a few moments at least, to be silent, which is the essential part of meditation. And finally, making love, if you attain to an orgasmic experience, gives you a glimpse of what meditation is, but it is millions of times more than this.
So to me, love is a basic experience which can help you to become meditators.
The old religions have been preventing it, and they have been preventing it for a certain reason. If people can transform their love into meditation, then the priests and the churches and the synagogues are no more needed, then people are totally free. No spiritual leadership is needed. And there are millions of priests around the world, like parasites on humanity. And naturally they will give you wrong ideas, against love, and they will give you ideas for meditation, but because you don't have the basic experience....
Love is just like when you enter into a swimming pool, step by step you are going into deeper water. Then the floor of the swimming pool is divided in two parts, one for those who cannot swim, so the water is up to your neck, and then the second part for those who can swim. But those who want to learn swimming have to learn in the first part, which is not for swimmers. They have to learn it there. Once they have learned, then slowly they will gather courage and enter into deeper water, because for a swimmer it does not matter how deep the water is; the swimmer is always on the surface. The water may be a hundred feet deep, five hundred feet deep, or five miles deep, it makes no difference to the swimmer. It makes a difference only to the non-swimmer. Beyond five feet, everything is death. But the swimming pool is one ― shallow, deep ― it is one. And the boundary line is only a line until you learn to swim. To me, love and meditation are just like that. Love is the shallow space in a swimming pool, for those who cannot meditate. But that is the place to learn meditation. And it is the same pool, it is the same water, it is the same kind of phenomenon. You are just unable to go deeper because you have been made afraid even to enter into it. The shallow part has been condemned, and you have been told to jump into the deeper part without knowing how to swim. So they disturbed your love life by condemnation and they disturbed your meditative life by sheer strategy: because you don't know swimming, you cannot go so deep.
And you don't have any experience of silence, peace, sheer joy, a little bit of ecstasy, something orgasmic ― these will give you the hints how meditation is not a myth. You have tasted it a little bit. It is the same energy field, just you have to go deeper into it. What actually happens when one couple moves into the realm of orgasmic experience? What actually happens? Every point has to be understood. Time stops. For a moment the pendulum does not move, and that single moment seems to be almost eternity. The two persons are no more two ― for a moment. They have melted into each other. There is no thought in the mind, for a moment. It is all empty and silent, and these are the things which have to be deepened in meditation. And once you have tasted them, you will be surprised that it does not depend on the other person. Something happens within you. Something happens within the other person. But it is not dependent. If you can sit silently, if you can manage, by watching your thoughts, to bring a gap, a stop, you will suddenly see time has stopped again. And now it is in your hands, not in the hands of biology. You can keep this time stopped as long as you want. And once you know the secret key....
The key is: no thoughts, no ego, no time ― you just are. That's why I have never been against love. I have been much condemned for it, naturally, because I was cutting the very roots of the business of all the religions. Every religion is against me. Their profession depends on condemning love and praising meditation. They know you cannot attain to meditation, and they know now your love is condemned, it is a sin. You will never experience any orgasmic phenomenon, so meditation will remain just a philosophy, and your life will remain loveless, angry, full of rage, ready to explode at any excuse. Because where will your energy go? It could have become peace, silence, joy, blissfulness. You did not allow it to become that. That repressed energy turns into poison. That's why everybody is irritable, annoyed, worried, tense. The simple reason is that they have lost the natural source of relaxation. No animal looks irritated, annoyed, angry, because they don't understand the language the priests speak. They have never heard that celibacy is spiritual. Of course they cannot attain to meditation, but they are far better than those human beings who could have attained meditative heights, but have lost even the simple biological experience of orgasm. Those are simply indications of your possibilities, potentialities. And it is easier to experiment with something natural in the beginning and then to try something which is supernatural, which belongs to higher nature.
And once you know how to be silent, how to be thoughtless, how to be in a state of no time, no mind, you experience such orgasmic joy, which has nothing to do with sex, it has such purity and such innocence. A man who has attained to that purity and innocence has no need of sex, it is no longer a psychological problem for him. But there is no prohibition either. He can enjoy sex too, and he will enjoy it more than anybody else, because his orgasm will immediately become meditative. Having experienced the meditative orgasm ― such a greater phenomenon ― his sexual orgasm will immediately trigger the bigger orgasm. He can play with sex. There is no harm in it. There is no need, but there is no prohibition either. It is up to him. The meditative orgasm absorbs your sexual energy, because you don't have any other energy. Your whole energy is sexual energy, and that vast explosion of joy simply absorbs all your energy. Hence, you need not become a pervert, you need not make an effort to remain celibate. It is just your choice. If you want to play old games once in a while, it is perfectly good. In fact, perhaps it should be a part of every enlightened man's life to have sex once in a while, because that will change the attitude of the whole world about sex. Without that, it is very difficult to change. Then they can see that even an enlightened person can enjoy sex. There is nothing sin-like in it. And it will join the enlightened man and unenlightened man in a bridge. At least on one point, both experience the same thing.... Love is a natural kind of meditation. And meditation is a supernatural kind of love.

JAGJIT SINGH...

ae khuda ret ke sehra ko samandar kar de
ya chhalakti aanKhoN ko bhi patthar kar de
tuJhko dekha nahiN mehsoos kiya hai maine
aa kisi din mere ehsaas ka paikar kar de
aur kuch bhi muJhe darkaar nahiN hai lekin
meri chaadar mere pairoN ke baraabar kar de

Faasila to hai magar, koi faasila nahiN
MuJhse tum juDa sahi, dil se to juDa nahiN
aasmaaN ki fiqR kya, aasmaaN khafaa sahee
aap Ye bataaye'e aap to khafa nahiN
kashTiyaaN nahiN to kya, hausle to paaS haiN
keh do na-khudaaoN se, tum koi khuDa nahiN
lijiye bula liya, aapko khayaaloN meiN
ab to dekhiYe hameN, koi dekhTa nahiN
aaeeye charaaG-e-dil, aaj hi jalaaYeN hum
kaisi kal hawa chali, koi jaanta nahiN

The Challenge

The challenge….
I’ve learnt that, life is a challenge ….yeah!….
u have to love your self before u can love anyone else….your self esteem has to be in place before u think of helping someone else…and most of the things u do, HAVE to be for yourself!
When u help someone, why do u do it? Is it because u feel pity or is because u want to feel good about your self….
when u help someone u do feel good about yrself…. u r happy… u have so much to give…u feel prosperous….. I think that should be the only motivation……not to get anything material in return……of course, one should not force ones viewpoint…but one can definitely try to put it across clearly …leaving options open…..HELPING PEPLE TO MAKE THEIR OWN DECISIONS!
I’ve learnt many things the very hard way the most important being…to let go….to try and give up material pleasures. That doesn’t mean that I don’t enjoy luxuries…it’s just that because im so happy inside im able to enjoy all the luxuries I have ,,to the fullest…Im aware of my blessings….
Earlier ,I used to think if I have more loving people around me…. ill be happy ….if I’ve a bigger house ….ill be happy……if my health improves… ill be happy….never understanding ,that the time to be happy and enjoy life is now( enjoy- doesn’t translate into consuming/buying more things, but to appreciate life as it is)….…..I had so many questions….now I know that the most important thing is to just BE…..being alive itself is such a joy……
If u r in control of your anger then many problems can be dissolved….because of your anger u have to compromise so much…u have to compensate so much …u have to lose so much…u have to understand that people don’t really want to be mean to u…they just lack the competence to be nice…(they too r frustrated, and don’t know how to relax/react in overwhelming situations….the only thing they know is to get angry…..and anger is just the protest against the injustice that u feel has been meted out to u…. its not the solution….)…...and once they know u properly they will stop trying to manipulate u….they will put all the cards on the table( u have to give a chance to yourself to know people) …and also to learn the skill of discernment… and u will……. when u start understanding the bigger picture….
We feel we know so much…but the thing is we don’t know the true meaning of so many words.
To relax…..what does it mean---unwind, calm down, let go, settle down……relaxation can take place everywhere…..u see people relaxing in crowded trains…..I remember reading the essay of a person in the Nazi concentration camp….after he was rescued, he spoke about how he was free inside the prison….his mind was free……the body will only do what the mind tells it to do…..

osho.......

A young man says, “All that I have achieved is lost. A tremendous sadness arises and I can’t perceive the end of it — or is there no end?”
Many should feel jealous of you. To know that all has failed is the beginning of a new journey.
To know that “All that I have achieved is lost” is the beginning of a new search for something that cannot be lost.When one is utterly disillusioned with the world and all its successes, only then does one become spiritual.You may not yet be aware of it, but something is stirring, a new joy is arising behind the curtain of sadness — a joy of a new search, of a new adventure, of a new life, of a new way to be.“I can’t perceive the end of it — or is there no end?”


“There is a beginning of the mind and there is an end of the mind, there is a beginning of the ego and there is an end of the ego, but there is no beginning to you and no end to you. And there is no beginning to the mystery of existence and no end to you.


It is an ongoing process. Mysteries upon mysteries are waiting for you, hence the thrill and the ecstasy.Feel ecstatic that there is no end to life, that when you have reached one peak, suddenly another peak starts giving you challenges — a higher one, a more arduous climb, a more dangerous reach. And when you have reached the other peak, there will be another peak; peaks upon peaks. It is an eternal Himalayas of life.Just think of a point where you arrive, and now there is nothing else left. You will be utterly bored then; boredom will be your only fate then! And life is not boredom, it is a dance. Life is not boredom, it is exultation, exuberance.Many many things are going to happen, and many many things will always remain to happen. The mystery never ends, it cannot end. That’s why it is called a mystery, it cannot even be known. It will never become knowledge, that’s why it is called a mystery; something in it is eternally elusive. And that’s the whole joy of life. The great splendor of life is that it keeps you eternally engaged, searching, exploring. Life is exploration, life is adventure.
Ecstasy is our very nature; not to be ecstatic is simply unnecessary. To be ecstatic is natural, spontaneous. It needs no effort to be ecstatic, it needs great effort to be miserable.


That’s why you look so tired, because misery is really hard work; to maintain it is really difficult, because you are doing something against nature. You are going upstream — that’s what misery is.


And what is bliss? Going with the river — so much so that the distinction between you and the river is simply lost. You are the river. How can it be difficult? To go with the river no swimming is needed; you simply float with the river and the river takes you to the ocean. The river is already going to the ocean.
Life is a river. Don’t push it and you will not be miserable.

AMARKANTAK!

Being to Amarkantak.....was like being in a dream.....a place where u have an out of the body experience......the people i met were also so different .......i met an old man aged 88 years who called the stones in temples.....ATM machines....he actually asked kids to consider the money thrown away by stupid people in the temples as their own pocket money.....
im amazed.....( but not so amazed! i already had read a lot about him.... )i met quiet, simple people, who had eyes like they were drilling into u....one of those people...his name is Sadhan...such a stange name...i ws attracted...why would parents name their child `object`..i asked him....he told me that it was short for Sadhana....hmmmmm....his eyes... hypnotic......after a long conversation ....im still amazed to know...tht this mining engineer...(who gave up wat people wud think as luxuries...)and made Amarkantak his home.....he now practices ayurveda......and helps the tribals of the region....this place is surrounded by thick forests and mystics.......this place is also where the Narmada river bEgins its journey....
i had one meal with this amazing man......we cooked...(i ll explain..)..take some potatoes, tomatoes, some chilles, some brinjal , put all these ingredients into a roaring fire, take it out on a `patal`( a plate made of leaves)whn a wonderful cooking smell catches your nose..( the temp there is 0 degrees) add some salt and lime and eat to your hearts content.......
i want more of such life...... once is not enough....
im already making plans to go back......and i know i will!

been a long time....

its been a long time since i put my thoughts down.....i dont seem to have the inclination..im talking so much nowadays with people.....i want silence....quiet......

maintaining your energy audit

It is the greatest folly to think that we can live without anybody’s help. For you, just this act of reading this column requires you to be grateful to a number of people – my computer, the makers of the computer, the electricity, the wires, the printer, this newspaper, and a host of other nameless beings, apart from your body organs that help you read, your house, your newspaper vendor, etc. The fact is that we can never exist alone: we are interdependent. We are dependent on multiple forces to help us live.
Having said that, it is impossible to keep a track of who has helped you, and who you have helped during the day. When you take a favour from someone, you are in essence taking energy from that person. Similarly, when you help someone, you are donating energy to that person. In other words, this constant giving and taking of energy takes place throughout the day. But if you were to create a balance sheet to monitor this debit and credit of energy, it would be highly impossible to do so because firstly, it cannot be quantified, and secondly, the seamless flow of energy prevents us from maintaining any kind of account.
It can therefore happen that you end up taking more energy than you have given. This leads to an imbalance in energy. However, since the universe always exists in a state of balance, it has its own ways of correcting these imbalances. Which is why the age-old wisdom of ‘keeping only those things that are yours’ makes a lot of sense. What is not yours will be automatically taken away from you. That’s the universal principle in action.
A technique to voluntarily correct energy imbalances is by donation. Normally, we associate donation only in terms of money. But that need not be the case. Donation can be through hugs, paying compliments, saying thank you, giving time, service, giving a gift, prayer, etc. A good technique would be to assign a task for yourself to donate energy in any of these forms constantly throughout the day. A good question to ask yourself would be – ‘what has been my contribution today?’
Donation is voluntary giving away of energy. When you do that, you are consciously creating a situation whereby there is a positive energy imbalance which means that the energy you have donated is more than the energy you have received. This imbalance will prompt the universe to fill up that energy vacuum.
In other words, the more you donate consciously, the more the universe will give you. ‘Tum ek paisa doge, woh dus lakh dega’ – that Hindi song made so famous by beggars, now sounds logical, doesn’t it? Well, it works on this principle.
taken from......yourenergy.blogspot.com

a gift!

yesterday is history..
tomorrow is a mystery
today is a gift.... thats y its called present!