a dream.....

Through the clouds in my eyes
I will watch you fly away
and wish I'd been born with wings.

another day...

somehow today was a sweet day.....
its so important to know other people too.....
so unexpected..but lovely.....
it was a perfect day...

can u teach??

Nobody can teach you how to love.....
its inborn.... its natural....
everyone has it in them...
only thing is that they should have the will to explore the possibilities.
why should I tell u how to love me....
u should know..if u say that u r mine.. and I'm yrs.. shouldn't you know?
what I feel???

Today....

Today I was very angry....I don't usually lose my temper....I become sad, or take the blame on myself...I think that I'm silly or stupid...and feel that whatever has happened is because I was inadequate....
I often think that I'm a failure.
I am now learning that many things that happened in my life is not because of me but because of bad choices, and other peoples mistakes, people who controlled my life....
Im learning this now...its late in life but its not too late....
I forgive people easily...esp. the ones whom I love very much.....
maybe that is the reason why people take advantage of me...
but I'm weak where love is concerned....
I WANT THE PERSON I LOVE TO BE HAPPY ALWAYS......
it makes me happy too....

but today I was angry, because someone broke a promise....
for me, promises are important...
I believe that one should not make promises that one cant keep....
I usually keep all my promises, even difficult ones or else I don't make them....its better that way....don't say anything that u don't mean...

when small promises are not kept, doesn't it say something about the integrity of the person?
it may not be a big deal ...but for me it is.......

I feel small things are so important...small promises,
a sweet email, a caring sms, a loving call.....doesnt that make your day brighter?
what is life if YOU cant make your beloved happy.....simply happy????

truly madly deeply-savage garden

I'll be your dream
I'll be your wish
I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope
I'll be your love

Be everything that you need.
I love you more with every breath
Truly madly deeply do..
I will be strong I will be faithful
'Cos I'm counting on a new beginning.
A reason for living.
A deeper meaning.


I want to stand with you on a mountain.
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever.
Until the sky falls down on me...


And when the stars are shining brightly
In the velvet sky,
I'll make a wish
Send it to heaven
Then make you want to cry..
The tears of joy
For all the pleasure and the certainty.
That we're surrounded
By the comfort and protection of..
The highest power.
In lonely hours.
The tears devour you..

I want to stand with you on a mountain,
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever,
Until the sky falls down on me...


Oh can't you see it baby?
You don't have to close your eyes
'Cos it's standing right before you.
All that you need will surely come...

love!!!!!!!!!!

Love is patient.
Love is kind.
Love isn't jealous. .........
it does not boast, it is not proud.

the intensity of love cannot be measured.....
its gentle and tender...
it forgives easily...
love is beautiful.....
nothing happens as a coincidence....
everything has a reason...
we have to find the reason.....its our call.....

reaction formation... a defence mechanism

After a night of introspection, I think I use this mechanism when I feel anxiety....
it is a process in which the ego( our subconscious) tends to come out with opposite reactions to the existing anxiety producing one.

Im a human being with a heart.... and heart can be broken....
so how do i protect my heart???
i know when the time will come i will be heart broken............

no wonder people liked this song....

You must understand though the touch of your hand
Makes my pulse react
That it's only the thrill of boy meeting girl
Opposites attract
It's physical
Only logical
You must try to ignore that it means more than that

What's love got to do, got to do with it
What's love but a second hand emotion
What's love got to do, got to do with it
Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken

It may seem to you that I'm acting confused
When you're close to me
If a tend to look dazed I've read it someplace
I've got cause to be
There's a name for it
There's a phrase that fits
But whatever the reason you do it for me

What's love got to do, got to do with it
What's love but a second hand emotion
What's love got to do, got to do with it
Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken

I've been taking on a new direction
But I have to say
I've been thinking about my own protection
It scares me to feel this way

What's love got to do, got to do with it
What's love but a sweet old fashioned notion
What's love got to do, got to do with it
Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken

its so perfectly our song......

Here I am - this is me
There's no where else on earth I'd rather be
Here I am - it's just me and you
And tonight we make our dreams come true

It's a new world - it's a new start
It's alive with the beating of young hearts
It's a new day - it's a new plan
I've been waiting for you
Here I am

Here we are - we've just begun
And after all this time - our time has come
Ya here we are - still goin' strong
Right here in the place where we belong

Chorus X1

Here I am - this is me
There's no where else on earth I'd rather be
Here I am - it's just me and you
And tonight we make our dreams come true

Chorus X2

Here I am - next to you
And suddenly the world is all brand new
Here I am - where I'm gonna stay
Now there's nothin standin in our way
Here I am - this is me

The Winner Stands Alone by Paulo Coelho

I was reading this book, and it really reinforced my belief.
ONE might have lots and lots of money, but without your heart and soul you are POOR.
When one gets used to a certain lifestyle, does one tolerate corruption , injustice?

I'm half way through the book and the one thing that touched me was the sentence...a human being realizes only after a long time that the SOUL hates superficiality....
We are here on this earth to be happy, to experience joy and bliss....

BUT tell me how can one achieve that with out money....is it possible??????

i want to tell you many things...

Do I have to tell you things?????
YES! I have a thousand things to tell you...
I want to rest my head on your chest and then with your arms around me,
I will speak to you with closed eyes...we will speak in silence....
Our heartbeats will do the speaking and the listening...
I will tell you about my dreams and my inner most fears..
I will tell you about my losses and how I struggled to be alive..
I will tell you the story of my soul...my need for love and appreciation
I will tell you how I miss you when you are not around..
I will tell you that I feel you inside me every time I breathe..
I will tell you how you changed my life...
I will tell you how u strengthened my hope...and then
I would love to know what u would like to tell me....

poem for melanie.....

The Cord

We are connected,
My child and I, by
An invisible cord
Not seen by the eye.

It's not like the cord
That connects us 'til birth
This cord can't been seen
By any on Earth.

This cord does it's work
Right from the start.
It binds us together
Attached to my heart.

I know that it's there
Though no one can see
The invisible cord
From my child to me.

The strength of this cord
Is hard to describe.
It can't be destroyed
It can't be denied.

It's stronger than any cord
Man could create
It withstands the test
Can hold any weight.

And though you are gone,
Though you're not here with me,
The cord is still there
But no one can see.

It pulls at my heart
I am bruised...I am sore,
But this cord is my lifeline
As never before.

I am thankful that God
Connects us this way
A mother and child
Death can't take it away!

true love

True love is neither physical nor romantic."

True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be......

my best friend

Pearl is my best friend from school. ie.( elementary school, high school, junior college)
Ive known her for last 25 years.
She was the most beautiful girl in our group...she had beautiful hair...lovely complexion..and slender body.
Sometimes I was envious of her.She got all the attention.
But she was my friend, my best friend, we roamed around the streets of town, ate junk food which was forbidden in our homes.
We talked about boys and gossiped about friends.
We, both hated our, strict community and the silly rules made by our parents.
We dreamed we would run away from all of this.. but we never had the guts...we did exactly as our parents told us to do....we conformed....we obeyed....
When I lost my mom, she was there to wipe my tears.
When my father got married again she understood how I felt.
Then she got married, an arranged marriage, the boy was rich..belonged to a good family.
But disaster struck after 4 years of marriage, he passed away.
Her daughter was 2 years old...she came back to stay with her parents.
Her parents home was close to mine.
We became friends again... the 4 year gap when she stayed with her in-laws just melted away.
I loved her daughter. She was so fragile...so slender and so small. Her name was Melanie.( a name I had chosen since, that was the name of the most popular girl in our class in elementary school.)
The years passed and our contact was no longer on a daily basis.
I got so busy, I shifted my home.
Her life went downhill. She had to support her parents and her daughter.She was working 4 jobs, to make ends meet.Sometimes she came to my work place to ask for a loan.
Sometimes she called.
She never forgot my birthday and I never forgot hers.
We spoke whenever we remembered, each other.
She called more, I was lazy/busy.She spoke of her dreams, sometimes, of the futility of life.. and I agreed. I always felt she was lucky, she could do as she pleased. She was free.
and she thought I was lucky.....
But yesterday at 1 am I got a call from her....Melanie is no more...
I cant describe the trauma I went through till it was 5 am and I could go to her home.
I rushed there only to find Melanie lying lifeless on the bed.Dressed in white in her Holy Communion dress, she looked like a little doll.
My friend Pearl was like a mad woman....she was touching her daughter, her hair , her dress, her toys, her books. It was heart wrenching.
I cannot say what happened to the little girl and how she died, Ive promised her I wont say.
I want my friend to know that I love her very much and I will be there with her whatever comes.
I cant do anything, except be there when she calls or call her sometimes and tell her I love her.
What else can one do?

looking for love

to find love,
we look too hard,
to accept love,
we doubt too much.....

When can I be me???

without being judged????

is it wrong to be in LOVE , to connect immediately to another human being who you feel will give you happiness?????


I don't believe in right or wrong..............

I only know what it is to be loved and to be rejected....

if you are loved you are happy and when u face rejection you feel sad.

a woman...

There is a woman who has inside her a FIRE.
to connect, without any expectations to another human being.
to give her ALL, without having to measure the amount of gives and takes.
to be able to make her world beautiful.

FIRE burns and destroys .... it also gives light and energy.
the woman thinks her FIRE is energy- giving
but life teaches her that her FIRE is self destroying.

Now, what should she do?
should she abandon her dream and continue living like a corpse?
should she take her dream and fly away?
this question has always been bothering her... shes asked herself a number of times....
why is she living???a life of farce, a lie? for society ? for what?
what is the use of living, if her soul is dead?
her spirit is broken?
there is no prosthetic for an injured soul is there?

My news...

I was 55 kgs. and now Im 63kgs.... so Ive put on 8 kgs. My ideal weight is 52 kgs. So im 11 kgs over weight.
I never much bothered about it...
but, now I feel I should make an effort...and do something about it...
from Monday, I will be gymming.
I used to gym but I left it after a bad experience.
but now Im going to be brave and start again....
I will achieve my ideal wt.
Ive given my self, three months....
Im determined and dedicated.
My friends!!!!! please help me... support me...
I know, Im a beautiful person inside,
now I want to be beautiful outside too...............

INTENSITY!!!

I'm sensitive, BUT more than that .... I'm intense....

There is intensity in everything I do....

I give my 100%....Ive to be completely into things.....

I don't do things in half measure, it has to be all or nothing....

I know people are afraid of intensity ... they feel crowded and bothered with so much of intense feelings..

but there is only one thing I say to them

TAKE ME OR LEAVE ME!!!

yesterday was yesterday and today is today...

yes... yesterday was a blissful day...
and today was sad, the tears came and stung my eyes....
why am i so insecure?
why do i need to be in connection?
I realize that its not easy for me to be so close and then so far removed...( whatsoever the reason may be)

is something wrong with me???
am i going crazy????
maybe its not very PRACTICAL to follow your heart....

THE MAGIK...

I believed in love and hope....
but never, never dreamed that it would happen to me...

its synchronicity...yes it is...
otherwise, how could have WE met?

Two lonely, bored human beings
waiting for something to happen....

Made complete by
a magic number

...lol...

why it is not important to get married.

Its not important to get married...
basically human beings are not wired to be tied down...
human beings are born free.. free to roam the earth.... to travel, to discover, to LIVE...
and 99% of the time when people marry they forget to live... they do what everybody else is doing...there are things that HAVE to be done.... you do it for a while .. and then the yearning begins....
to break free..to connect to your soul... to discover your true self... to understand what life is all about...
why exactly are we on this planet??? is it to only to get married and have children of your own?..and do the things that society asks us to do? cant we make our rules????
according to me we are on this planet to be happy... to be in bliss ....to live life without fear......
I would love to adopt at least 6 kids... orphans, troubled kids, abused kids... would love to give deprived kids a future.....and it would be great to have a partner to share the joys of life and living...
BTW.. TODAY I WAS IN BLISS..I WAS SO HAPPY.... SO HAPPY....SO HAPPY......

REVIVE THE EMBERS

There are complexities in relationships.....
Of course there are!!!!!!!!!
I think every human being loves the rush of a new meeting, a new friendship and a new relationship.
One makes so many efforts in the start, invests so much - time, energy , emotions, money.
and when they feel secure in the relationship, what do they do?
They withdraw all that they have invested...they have no time, no energy , emotions become deflated and they start to think that money is not to be wasted eg. on flowers, gifts, fine dining, wine etc.
The result:-relationship becomes boring...it becomes routine...there is no thrill...its like old furniture that we see everyday and think of discarding, but then again since its lying there quiet and serves the purpose we keep it.
Maybe we are lazy to discard and get a new one, maybe its become a habit...
its so difficult to unlearn old habits and relearn new ones... it takes effort....

SO WHAT IS THE SOLUTION...HOW TO KEEP THE FIRE ALIVE ???????

im afraid of being hurt

im afraid of being hurt...........
sometimes i am not able to communicate my feelings properly
forgive me

another friendship day....!!!!! my frnds are with me

this year i had forgotten friendship day....( i really dont know how i forgot it)
but my friends did not let me forget..they forgave me for not rememering....
they came to get me ....
we went out for coffee...
they are sweet..............
here are some pics....

what exactly is love?

What is love???????.
this is/ has been a question that has been haunting me from the time Ive been born( i think!!!!!)
According to the Navaraasa i.e. the 9 core emotions present in man, love is the only one that has branches.
prem=love
mamta=affection ( maternal, paternal, brotherly)
bhakti= devotion( for god)
shringar=sexual( for ones mate)

Now my question is .... can we really branch and compartmentalise these feelings ?
when one is close to another human being,all these overlap and mingle and each emotion struggles to express it self.
when one is so close, that one trusts the other with ones own life, can we say that oh! yes, now im feeling sexual love, oh now im feeling so much affection.
its all together.
there is affection, adoration, attraction, devotion, sweetness, pain, trust, respect.....( all this becomes LOVE i think)
there is no boundary its just a beautiful feeling.its intermingling of feelings...its pure...its innocent..
its strong.... its open.... it wants to be fearless.