i believe this....but...i go crazy sometimes.....thinking abt the future,,

"It doesn't matter what you do for a living...

..It doesn't matter how old you are...

..It doesn't matter what planets are squaring your moon...

...What matters is if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human..."

- from "The Invitation" by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

wat i am feeling now....

Im happy today....in heaven... then why am i so sad?

what I need to do............... is let go...

and enjoy what is left of my life....

God!..life is so beautiful....If I allow it.....

and I think about the future and cry........cry and cry..........

I know nothng last for ever....thts my practical and intelligent brain talking...

but my heart............how will I mend it... my broken heart... just tell me...

this blog...

This blog is for me

I write what I feel

sometimes fiction, sometimes truth ...

some poems...some prose....

but ive to tell u a secret...

i suffer from existential fears......

it comes and goes...

its my fear that makes me difficult sometimes...

It was in control for some time, but again it has surfaced....

whenever any change happens in my life....i start feeling fear...

i behave in a very erratic manner...

i start crying for no reason...

im easily irritable...

i wish someone understood this...

watever i do....its not appreciated....

god!

attitudes...

I was having a discussion with some people in delhi.....i asked some questions...

why are people in Delhi so aggressive?

why are they so against any traffic rules?

why do they look so stern?

why dont they smile more?

why do they stare?

I asked the question to the right person... he had studied the attitudes of people living in landlocked areas.

Delhi is a landlocked area... The people living away from sea are aggressive and stern, they are survivors.....

that person told me that its a proven fact that, people living near coastal areas or near rivers are pleasant and have a sense of happiness around them.....

now if we take India as a whole, we are surrounded by water on three sides......the people living on the coastal areas are much more happy and hard working..

they are satisfied and have a sense of well being......their economy is good....they develop faster......

http://www.wisegeek.com/what-countries-are-landlocked.htm

delhi...

in front of the famous street food stall in delhi....agrawals( btw, many shops are called agrawals)in the metro.....

jaipur.....

At the Phool Mahal.....these were the palace grounds.... around 500 years old..... The bedroom of the queen... I was the queen for a few hours...... an imaginary queen....!

The walled city of Jaipur...I am standing at Amer Fort.....u can see the city behind me.................

yesterday....

Yesterday, I was talking about how poeple marry not because they are in love but because of...the chance....( it got me thinking.....)

Let me explain..........

95% it happens that u meet the right person in your life....absolutely right for you.....but for some reason the time is not right for you and you have to let the person go....away from your life.....maybe never to meet again..........

Then when the time is right for you, you meet a person who fits the bill....to be your wife/husband.....THE TIME, THE REASON, everything is right....( that's what you think!!) and you get married......have kids...just like everyone.... you do the same things like everyone else.... you want the same things like everyone else... good happy secure life... its a chance that u take.............it may or may not work out.....its a gamble....but i learned one thng in life.... ONLY FOOLS LEAVE THE GREATEST DESCISON OF THEIR LIVES TO CHANCE...........

others who marry for true love are more happy and secure( a very few % of human beings have the guts the follow their heart others follow what others have done)..................their marriage is not WORK or ADJUSTMENT or, COMPROMISE...............its something that they consciously chose!

there are no regrets......and the relationship grows to higher level of trust commitment and respect.....